he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
