Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
