hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
