Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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