worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
