Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
