i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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