My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
