I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
