how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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