If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
