remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
