Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
