I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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