New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
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