Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
