i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
