Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
