My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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