I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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