is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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