I'm really into asian looking animals
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
