I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
