hotel room ftw
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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