I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
