I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
