I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize