I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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