so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
