Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
