she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
