Already got asked if we're dating
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
