'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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