I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
