what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
