I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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