my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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