from now on my penis is your penis
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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