Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
