Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
