take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
