if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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