bring money and cleavage
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
