so explain again why im purple
no
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
