proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
