Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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