I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
