Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize