She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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