So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What happened to fro yo and sex?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
