Where is the hickey?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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