He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
