We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
