hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
