I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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