Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
two words...techno handjob
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
