Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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