you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
