Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
