Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
