I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
