Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
