Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
