Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize