Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
