But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize