Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize