Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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