Its about making memories worth repressing
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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