Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
