i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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