Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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