We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
