Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
