I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
